There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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