Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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