mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
