so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
