Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
