So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
