How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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