I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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