she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
