You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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