When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
