i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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