3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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