help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
