let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
