I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
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