Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
