I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
