direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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