giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
