Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
