thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
