So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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