Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
