As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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