An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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