Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
