she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
