She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
