She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
