So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
