They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
