my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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