I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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