my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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