My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
