Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
