dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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