I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
