dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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