Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
