Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
