i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
