Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
