omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
