I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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