Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
