I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
