I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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