I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
