So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
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