she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
