That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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