Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize