Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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