I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize