remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
