I wanna bring you to show and tell
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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