moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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