i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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