Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
