i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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