How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
