It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
