At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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