The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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