There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
