I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
