Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
