Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
