so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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