im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
