are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
