i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
