sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
