hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Come on in and take your pants off
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
