my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
