who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
