Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You dont lie about slip and slides
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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