if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
