Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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