i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
