I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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