a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
