I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
