shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
