I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
