Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize