So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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