i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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