when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
