i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
