I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
