butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
