Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
