I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
