I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize