I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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