theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
